Monday, March 26, 2012

Connotation

So for those fetuses coming in to this crappy world, the first thing to learn is to distinguish when do the grown-ups mean what they say and when they don’t mean what they just said.

First general rule: They don’t mean what they say Ever.

Second general rule: Never forget the First general rule.

Third general rule: Be very careful applying the above rules.

Let me now give you some examples of otherwise simple looking sentences but having deep hidden connotations that can be detected from miles away even before you hear them or start to read them:

⇒You are funny. means: You are full of shit.

⇒Your photos are good. means: You are full of shit.

⇒Did you make this? Awesome! means: Oh, you are so full of shit!

⇒Tell me if I’m boring you… means: Shut the hell up and listen…

⇒Tell me to cut the crap… means: Shut the hell up and listen…

⇒Are you listening to me? means: Do not dare to sleep while I’m talking…

⇒That looks so cool. means: I want it right now.

⇒That gadget is awesome! means: I want it right now.

⇒Have you seen it? It is really handy… means: I want you to buy it for me right now.

⇒How are you? means: You’re doing fine… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How’s your job treating you? means: You’re doing fine… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How’s your body recovering? means: You’ve no idea what my stomach is going through… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How dare you call me a dim-wit? means: Only I’ve the right to do that… Not the other way round!

⇒How dare you not answer my question? means: Only I’ve the right to do that… Not the other way round!

⇒Who do you think you are to judge my words or actions or both? means: I’m the ultimate arbiter and hence only I’ve the right to do that… Not You, dim-wit!

⇒Delete the attachments. means: How dare you look at them when I shouldn’t have sent them but did it anyway?

⇒I’m not giving you any more info. means: How dare you look at the attachments when I shouldn’t have sent them but did it anyway?

⇒I’m not asking you any more questions. means: How dare you look at the attach… Oh, sorry! You answered my earlier question, okay… means: but How dare you not answer it in the very specific way that I’m used to hearing answers?

So, there you have it… Some lessons on identifying connotations in others’ sentences. This post seems more like the ‘How to…’ post I wrote a while ago! Maybe I could generate a third series of posts named as ‘How To's’ with this sort of stuff (the other 2 series are IMMs & OMUs) but it’s too much work changing tags and so on… So will just use the existing tags as I did for the above-mentioned post.

Definition